Learnings from a proud Girl Dad

Dear Friend,

The decision to become a parent is, at its core, a selfish one.

But selfish doesn’t mean bad.

Parents choose to bring a child into the world because they want to. The unborn child didn’t ask to be here. That reality comes with responsibility: It’s on us to give our kids a real chance at a life that’s more fulfilling than our own.

Crizen and my journey began with Kaya—sweet, quiet, obedient. She’s still very much that way today. More than once, we’ve been told she’s the “model child,” the kind other parents would feel lucky to have.

But here’s the uncomfortable question:

Are “model children” setting parents up for future blind spots?

Because Kaya became the benchmark.

Nina and Kenzo grew up watching her path unfold. Nina witnessed our version of tiger parenting as we navigated Kaya’s increasing workload in middle school. Now in 7th grade, Nina hasn’t missed an assignment. In sports, she crushes whatever she tries.

But beneath that excellence, we see something else: A fear of failure.

Then there’s Kenzo.

We track him loosely. And sometimes we’re forced to intervene—usually when we get the call from the principal about an accident or a fight with friends. The expectations for him are undeniably lower than for his sisters.

Is it because he’s a boy? Is it because he’s the third child?

Or is it something bigger?

As we’ve explored this—both internally and with our community—it’s become obvious: There’s a real societal discrepancy in how we set expectations for girls versus boys.

This isn’t a debate about right or wrong. It’s an acknowledgment that the discrepancy exists.

The only question that matters is: What are we going to do about it?

What we always do.

We change the philosophy in our household—and we share what we’re learning.

Our New Routine

• Family dinner conversations now include a mandatory question:

  “How did we fail today?”

  Failure isn’t hidden—it’s normalized. Our family mantra is now: “Embrace the disaster.”

• Sports conversations changed:

  We talk openly about losses and struggles. Just as important, how we talk has shifted: Positive reflection first — and next-time advice second. In that order.

• Crizen and I model the behavior.

  We openly share our own daily struggles and how we’re responding—not just the wins.

Empowering our daughters doesn’t mean protecting them from failure.

It means teaching them how to face it, recover from it, and grow because of it.

If this topic resonates, I highly recommend this TED Talk by Jiabao Li, a friend and co-founder of our partner company Endless Health. It’s a thoughtful reflection on resilience, agency, and empowerment.

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Thanks,

Mike